M* A* B*-H*

Fuck this. Went to the head doc today- Pills for depression aren't working. Fall asleep at 3am, sleep for 10 hours, no drive, no ambition.

No ambian, wouldn't have minded clonopin. Got generic for ativan and that not doing shit. Took one, nothing, took another, nothing.

Shrink appt in 3 weeks.

Fuck at some point you have to let go of the person you're holding onto. I need to get my head on straight and figure out what's going on.

Pushing through school work, getting stuff done.

My soul, that place in your chest that feels so good when your in love and hurts like a m'fucker when it's broke. It's wilted. No get up and go.

For my reader(s) in Germany- thank you.

My great-great grandfather was Prussian. He came to the states around or after the Franco-Prussian War. He married a Protestant lady and our future contact with our Jewish roots ended. Emil Block. My great-grand father was first generation. And my maternal grandmother second generation. I miss my grandma quite a bit. It was always great to be around her. She was this force who spoke her mind, but was still caring. She went through a lot in her life, experience that hardened her. She always seem more optimistic than not and quick with a laugh. F' do I miss her.

So, there was a saying that her grandfather taught her and it translated to - you're some so dumb the geese would eat you.

I wish we would have written down the German words.

Although we're European mixed, we seem to run more UK and Germany.