Saturday, June 11, 2011

No good can come of that.

My id has a nemesis and last night my ego decided to dream about this person. If I were to see this person out and about, I would try to beat the crap out of her. My hatred runs that deep. Strange since I was willing to forgive her co-conspirator.

My last boyfriend cheated on me with his best friend’s girlfriend. Thinking about all of that makes me sick to my stomach. The fact that I accepted his excuses makes me even sicker. And it took me two and a half years to leave him. I didn’t try to convince him or myself that I was in love with him after he cheated. I carried on because I didn’t have it in me to uproot my life. Sad but true- I stayed for my dog and cats. Staying meant a bigger apartment instead of moving into a hole in the wall by myself or moving back to the Midwest.

When the sh*t hit the fan, I had three cats and my dog, my sister, who I now live with, had two dogs and a cat, plus husband. I couldn’t do it. But over time I gathered my strength. I kept track of his assery. Each time he was a douche, I filed it away in the folder marked, “this is why I’m leaving.” Moving out sucked, but I remembered all those times he was an ass.

Funny, now the nemesis has a kid with her then boyfriend and from all f*cebook stalking accounts, they are still together. She got pregnant 3-4 months after the cheating.

So, last night I dreamt about this chick. And it’s a vivid dream with lots of emotion and he’s there too. Anger, betrayal. Not having the full ability to kick the crap out of both of them. Now because of the dream she’s in my mind eye and it makes me sick. I wish a could mentally vomit her out of my mind. Thank god she was never a friend of mine.

The last boyfriend and I were together for four years. My longest continuous relationship. Walking away and staying quiet is a challenge. I want to yell at him, but calling him is a can of worms that needs to stay shut. No good can come from that.

So, what do I do? I dig up older skeletons.

1 comment:

  1. Don't be in such a hurry, the can of worms will always be there when your ready to go fishing.