Exposition

By all accounts I should be asleep right now or at least attempting to fall asleep. Failing on both counts.

Within the next few weeks, my sister will have to decide when to put her dog to sleep. As you can imagine we are all very sad about this. The decision to end a pet’s life is not an easy one in our family. I hug K* and try to commit to memory her soft fur and regal look. She’s lived thirteen wonderful years, my sister has rightly spoiled her. She’s a great dog. For being a large full bred dog she has lived fully into her senior years.

A year ago I had to make that decision for one of my cats. She was my first pet. Not a family pet, but mine. It’s a terrible decision to make and one based on mercy. The thought of an animal or person not existing any more upsets me. Since my dad’s death I’ve thought a lot about my existence and what to do with it. The mindset of martyrs and those that are willing to sacrifice his or her own for a cause is not something I understand.

For what would I trade my life?

Death is always moving closer. Taking those around me until it finds me. Here I am doing my thing, getting older and one day I won’t. I keep thinking that somewhere inside my brain that I know what comes next. Knowledge that is locked away.

More evidence should exist that life is precious. It should not be spent fighting or filled with anger or hate. We are here for such a short amount of time.

Time needs to slow down. When my dad was my age his life was half way over.

This is all so depressing.

Tomorrow my sister and I will drive south to visit my mom. Bring on the depression.

Bunch of random crap knocking around in my head. And I’m sitting still making no progress.

This is so not interesting to anyone, not even me.