Friday, August 5, 2011

Eve-o-lution of Emotion

Oh, noes, neither of the two people that know about my blog have looked at it in 5 days. My world! It’s crashing down all around me!

Finally cleaned out the last remnants of moving from my car. Found a journal that contained entries that I wrote to/about Fisher. Thought about rewriting them here. There’s really no point in that.

There was a chance he might drive up here this weekend- not happening. Too busy. I could drive down there next weekend, but his schedule might be to hectic. Fifteen years ago, maybe even four years ago, I would’ve driven down there anyway and shown up on his doorstep. I’m trying to have patience and understanding. Be a grown-up?

He’s really into me and I feel the same about him. And I’ve got a good therapist to keep me in line.

I have no grey hairs, but the hands of a fifty year old. True. Small, bony fingers, lots of creases.

Losing my mom to her mental illness accentuates my grief for my dad and grandmothers. My grandma, especially. She went through so much and still had an endless amount of love to give. She had her moments, but there was always love for my sisters and me.

My world is changing. How I look at my world is changing. What I value, how I love. Evolving.

When I was 19 I knew that Fisher was my soul mate. I am grateful that after 16 years, we are together again, but this time in a much better place. With perspective and experience I realize how much we care about each other.

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