Saturday, July 30, 2011

Musings, although not especially existential

When I take medication for my anxiety, I’m not taking it just for myself, but because of my mom as well. I medicate more because she doesn’t medicate at all.

Just balled my eyes out at the end of watching Arthur. The new one. I have a soft spot for Russell Brand, so I liked it more than most.

All I have left of my summer classes is one final that I have to take by Tuesday at 10p. Then a few weeks off and then fall semester.

I have a job now. Working front office at single practice dental office. Fish out of water, trying not to drown.

L* and K* are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days in America’s hat and then onto the only state that really has an upstate.

Still ironing out details when I’ll be able to visit Fisher.

This is all such sh*t. What to actually be sad about and what is left over. Dealing with not being able to deal with my mom. Oh, look, she’s falling off a cliff and there’s nothing I can do until she hits the bottom.

There are people worse off than I am. People that have gone through worse, but are dealing with it better. How do people do that- go through something terribly awful and continue on as productive members of society. Death of children, witnessing a horrible tragedy, rape- how do you deal. How do you not give up?

I wish that I had made peace with my dad when he was healthy. I made peace with him because that’s what you do with the dying. You forgive. Why can’t we do that with the living?

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