Friday, August 12, 2011

How are a friend and an enemy alike?

First off, a victory of sorts- finally diagnosed with ADD. After 36 years of struggling to connect and swim through the knotted string in my head, I have some hope. Dear lord, please have my psychiatrist write out a script to give me a chance to see if meds will help. I don’t have the ability to work thru this on my own. Must needs help.

In other news, heading down to the college town after work sometime this afternoon to spend the weekend with Fisher. Boy, do I need a break from here. Since April I’ve been stuck in the ‘burbs with L*, K* and my pets. Need to get out. Well, L* and I did visit my mom back at the beginning of the summer, but trust me that doesn’t count as getting away.

Office at work is quiet. The boss gets back this coming Thursday. Classes start in 10 days.

I would love to be able to shake off this feeling of the sads, but it doesn’t work that way. I have a deficiency of happy endorphins. Normally, sitting down, chilling out, there’s no feeling of contentment. Do people have that? Feeling good when doing absolutely nothing?

I always got my happiness from other people. Other people specifically being boyfriends.  Being in love.

So, now I have to find a way through several avenues of being content on my own. Medication, therapy, applying emotional tools. Yay, for me.

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