Tuesday, May 31, 2011


First off, thank you for the comments of encouragement.

And secondly, I am giddy with anticipation. For those of you that know me, I’ll give you a moment to picture that.


For those of you that don’t know me outside of this, my friends would not describe me as usually giddy. Even after several drinks.

Talked to Fisher this afternoon. He called me (yay.) And he’ll be able to visit during the dates that my sister and her husband are out of town.

No, I’m not giddy. Anxious. Herp-derpy? Lack of coordination because I’m nervous and have butterflies in my stomach.

Overcome. Being able to talk to him face-to-face about all that has happened. Being able to share what I went through watching my father die. There’s no doubt in my mind that he will be attentive.

Since forever, all I’ve wanted is for that special someone to kiss me on the forehead and tell me that everything will be ok. Neither of my parents told me this. Early on my mom told me that life wasn’t fair and my dad told that boys and girls are different. Masters of advice and comfort, not so much. I’m pretty happy with how I’ve turned out, so my mom did a decent job setting me forth on my path. My dad just wasn’t meant to be a dad, much like I’m not meant to be a parent. Neither my dad nor I are very patient.

I have a terrible habit of interrupting people in conversation. Like what I have to say or ask is more important than anything they could possibly be discussing. Aware and working on it.

Back to make it all better, please- I want everything to be ok. For me that means unconditional love. A person that will hug me at the end of a crappy day and be my happy place. For better or worse- we’ll be ok. There’s something solid about being ok. More like all right, but it doesn’t fall off the tongue like “make it all ok.”

Unconditional (except for major acts of stupidity) love. Cheating not ok. Despite how long a stuck around in my last relationship- it’s never ok to cheat. Maybe if I was in a coma, never to recover or incapacitated in a major, not gonna get better kinda way.

I’m having a case of the herp-derps tonight. I am beat. Tired. Kapoot. And I need to clime into bed, turn out the light and sleep. No thinking or playing games on my i-pod, just give into the sleep.

I have sleep anxiety. Have I mentioned that?


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