Saturday, October 8, 2011

A Diatribe Like Any Other

I hate having to type this because then I have to look at my worry and wonder if I'm over-worrying. Is it a pointless worry or valid? Should I wait to worry until later like when we live together? Or should I anticipate so that I'm aware and in the moment.

Last relationship, last boyfriend- I/the "relationship" was not his priority. If it was, it ranked below himself, his friends, recreational/activity stuff that he liked to do, shopping for said activities or weird hobbies and, trust me, the list went on.

Sure our work schedules were completely opposite, but it was nothing for him to leave me alone to go visit a friend that lived 4 hours away that with his schedule he could visit every other month. Maybe we would get two days off together a month, but if one of those days overlapped with a trip to his friend's- who was the priority. Not me.

So, now me and Fisher. Fisher is crazy busy and his boss is a workaholic and uses Fisher like a co-dependent wing-nut. That made no sense, but the point is that Fisher is mad busy and hates his job becuase of it. But he's always been mad busy trying to lift up the community theatre like freakin' Atlas. Fisher is human, he's been saying yes to every sad eyed community theatre yokel for the last 25 f'n years. My hope that now that he's on the other side of 45 he'll finally want to change gears and want to have a real, meaningful long-lasting live-together relationship.

If I moved back to College Town to be with him, I would never be above this damn community theatre wanna-be something. His boss has Fisher on a retractable leash. Think you're walking on you're own- nope, let me call you at 10pm at night to let you know that tomorrow at 10pm at night we're having a budget meeting. Who does that sh*t?

He has to move. He mentioned moving up here to Big City, Midwest. F*ck that. I hate it here. Inconsiderate drivers, cost of living, insanely high taxes. I'd rather live beneath or in the hills of a conservative state that may produce less than average high school graduates at a lower than average rate compared to the percentage of graduates in other states. What? Go with it or really just keep reading...

I am a split down the middle Southerner/Yankee. 50/50.

Although, I really prefer areas where the Mason/Dixon line isn't even an issue.

F*ck, I know he's busy, but I could use a boost. Sick all this week. Place to myself makes me miss having my own place to myself. Or at least a place with someone with whom I'm also dating. Can't have roommates.

Is it selfish of me that right now I want to come first. Not all the time, but now after I've had a down trodden weak of ick. He'll call and he'll apologize for being so busy, how he hates his job, misses me. And some how I need to find a way to sooth my impatient soul, need satisfaction now, have no money to do that by buying something on-line. Look! New! Shiny! Distraction! I've already caught up on the little tv I enjoy and watched a 2nd ep of a show I want to like, but is about rich white married people who really have nothing to complain about, but yet are still complaining.


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