Saturday, October 1, 2011


Here at Fisher's computer. So nice to be in a normal relationship. For example, the ex always kept his computer on lock down. Password protected, logged off if he was away from it for 2 seconds. Unlike how it was this morning with Fisher and he gave no thought to giving me his password so I could go on-line. Dear me, that last one was messed up.

Nice fall day. Brought S* along with me. Fisher is working today from 9a til 7p, so S* and I went for a walk on campus. Perfect fall day. Long sleeves, scarf, sunshine, slight breeze. She had a great time sniffing and peeing on everything. We went on quite the trek from the union, to opera house, to the fountain, to my old dorm, to where Fisher lived when we dated.

Back in the day mid 90s here on campus I was crazy. Walking around today visiting the old haunts was very cathartic. Making peace with the past. Putting out good energy where once there was bad, very bad. Took pictures of S* in some iconic locations. Maybe if the weather is nice again tomorrow, we'll head back out. The dog is sacked out from the day.

We talked about being on the same page of working towards moving somewhere together. Felt good to here him say that. Lacking a whole lot of stability in my life, so knowing that we're working together towards a goal is comforting.

After he left this morning I went back to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was feeling down because come Monday morning I head home and I won't know when I'll see him again. Showered, ate, took meds and got out of the house. His apartment is pretty depressing, so that didn't help. He's never home, so the state of its being doesn't really matter. It all feels very temporary, which is good for us, but bad a place to hang out if you're feeling down.

Fisher is so great with S* and understanding. He appreciates how much she mean to me. And maybe we'll agree to add another dog or a goat. L* and I went to an alpaca farm last weekend. They are cute are very soft, but I want a goat. Guess you sort of have to have more than one for company or a dog that's grown up with the goat so that they are best friends. That would be cool.

Fisher mentioned that it maybe as soon as December that he wants to get out of here, the college town. He's been here since 1983 and his current job is killing him. No days off, large amounts of responsibilities that fall on his shoulders, working 18 hour days. When he gets depressed he retreats inward and doesn't want to talk or be around anybody. I think, though, that our relationship is strong enough that he won't push me away. It does seem like our goal of moving somewhere together will happen.

On other fronts, school is school, need to dig in more with one class that I'm moderately blowing off. Work is ok. New skills, more job opportunities.

Today was about making peace with me own worst enemy- my past actions.

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