Thursday, April 19, 2012

It is hard to say goodby

Tomorrow will be a really awful day. 10 days ago my boss was shot by her husband and then he turned the gun upon himself. Murder/suicide. Now two amazing young adult are orphans. Two parents lost in tragedy. Having watched my dad die, doesn’t even compare to what they are going thru.

Tomorrow is the service and internment for both parents. It will be a private service, invited guests only. I feel honored to have been asked to be there. Tomorrow the loss of a wonderful boss and mentor will become reality.

I’ll wake up early, shower and pick out black clothes to wear. I’ll grab a bagel, directions to the church and do my best to stay focused on driving. Today, I found myself choking up, I could feel the sadness in my throat. I wanted to sob, but not today. Today I busied myself with work and let the moments of sadness drift out of my mind.

Tomorrow I will sit in a pew and listen to eulogies about a wonderful women who should still be here. So many questions left unanswered. To wonderful young adults with out parents who loved them very much.

Two things I find myself repeating:
Let go and let god.
There for the grace of god, go I.

Not a religious person, not a committed atheist, however these words bring me comfort. They make me appreciate my life, my family, and my love all the more. The unanswered questions, I let leave my mind. I do my best to not wonder about that day, those events that lead to such an awful moment in time.

Love kindly. Love yourself. Know that you deserve happiness.

In the long run tomorrow will bring healing and closure. In the short term, I don’t want it to be reality. I have such a hard time with losing people forever. They shall always be with me in my heart. I will carry their memories with me for as long as my mind will allow. But to never see the smiles, share the laughs, feel the love… that hurts too much.

My boss had incredible inner strength and drive. I can see the same in her kids. In order to survive, they will rely on each other and the qualities instilled upon by their mom. But the truth is that their mom should still be alive, I should still have her as my boss. Life, you are definitely unfair as you have proven time and time again.

1 comment:

  1. OH wow, I'm so sorry. That's pretty messed up. It's NACDS this week. But always around if you need to chat....S